Wednesday, July 11, 2007

On A Pedestal?...

I have so many faults, it's uncanny...
We are all sinners, but sometimes I think I must be one of the worst. I tell the priest every time in the Confessional, and I try ~ I really do. But the same things (sins) keep coming back to haunt me, over and over again!
I decided one time that no matter what, a particular fault of mine was to be conquered by Easter; I worked so hard all during Lent, and I do believe, in all honesty, that I overcame that particular sin! For a while...
Easter came and went.
Our dearest Lord, in all His gracious mercy, forgave me my sins; I went to the Easter Vigil with a full heart ~ love for Him, happiness that I had finally done what I set out to do six weeks earlier, eager anticipation for a new life in 'holiness' ??
And then, daily life took over.
I got busy with day-to-day living, rushing here and there, not paying attention to my spiritual welfare so closely as I should.
Now, don't get me wrong...I was attending Holy Mass, I was saying my daily Rosary, I was doing all of it. But there is where the similarity to any progress ended.
That should be a good reminder to me, myself, that I am not (in even the remotest meaning of the word) to put myself on a pedestal...that I am not any closer to my predestined Sainthood than I was in the beginning...
I have to remind myself that I cannot do this alone, that my supposed progress earlier was not me without help! I did not make all that progress just because I wanted to or because I was better than ever before...I did it all because of Him.
First of all, my biggest mistake was in thinking that I could continue on this way...with no purposeful thought to my own spiritual progress. I tried so hard for those few weeks and it felt really good. I was 'thinking' on my feet. I was trying harder than I had tried in a very long time.
The scary part of all of this is that I have many faults...and if I wish to conquer each of them, I had better think about starting right now.
Only with the graces of Our Lady, Who dispenses the favors of Her Son to whomever She pleases ~ I am begging Her as my Mother and my Queen to grant me the help I need. No matter what I do in my lifetime, it won't mean a thing if I don't become a Saint.
The only pedestal, in short, is the one to which we all aspire...that of being raised to the honors of the altar.
And this is my new never again assume that what I become is through my own good self. I will be a Saint one day; I will make it!
But it will be because of the most worthy Personage in my true and only God, my Savior, Who rests upon the Pedestal of the altar, the Pedestal of the Cross of Calvary, the Pedestal of my heart.
And there He will forever remain.

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